Once in a million lifetimes, you come across a love that's impossible.
Pure in form and humble in patience.
Forgiving and strong, withstanding years full of trials; of distances, choices, goodbye's and hello's.
Love that thrives without being stoked.
Beating alive in songs.
Endless.
In likeness to God's love.
God saw that Israel was not being faithful to Him. And He wept bitterly. Yet He did not venture to choose a new nation to become His chosen people. He became angry, sent his punishment, then eventually forgave. His love was triumphant from the very beginning, the greatest manifestation of which was the ultimate sacrifice of His only Son.
God's love is endless. The depth of his compassion is overwhelming. Israel was His bride, yet several times it turned its back on Him. God left Israel out of anger but then He said in Israel 54:5-7...
"The LORD will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit— a wife who married young, only to be rejected," says your God. "For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with deep compassion I will bring you back."
He added in an excerpt from Isaiah 49:23...
"Then you will know that I am the LORD; those who hope in me will not be disappointed."
My hope rests in Him who saves me. The one, who for some reason, stokes the love in my heart and will not let me give up. The one whose divine power is so great that I can remember moments of pain yet still want to save what can be saved.
I do not understand the plan that He has. Though I admit I've tried to decipher it. This is entirely beyond my ability to comprehend.
I can choose the easier way. To walk away, start a new life, find a new partner, seek a new career, rest my life in hope that everything will work out better for me this time.
So many take this path and have ended up happy. It was their choice.
Yet, my heart is being tugged in a different direction. I walk down the road but my mind travels down the road where there are fishponds on either side, where in a flash, basketball courts fly past outside a window of a hurrying bus, catching a glimpse of a restaurant whose name likens to his former love. I work and type yet the words that flow are not templates but are poetry in depth and meaning. I answer calls cheerily yet the quality manager in the call coaching sessions declares she senses a hint of 'loneliness' in the voice of the agent. I travel back home but find myself traveling back in time, walking in a steady pace up the stairs to the third floor at thirty past one where it joins two buildings together at the campus, my heart jumping at the sight of one who waits with his back to me.
None of these makes sense.
With complete resolve, I managed for a year to suppress memories that beat me down. And I got up, grabbed a job, started a life, earned for my family, without so much as a second for a blink of tears.
Now I'm flooded...
In time, all of this will make sense.
Time changes everything.
People come out of major depression and learn life's lessons hard. Sometimes people wait patiently for them to come out of the spell. Sometimes people also need to take a breather.
How infinite in strength this heart is, the source of which is You, God, to withstand blows and wait in loving patience despite the uncertainty.
I will remain steadfast in prayers. Who knows? With a dab of faith, Jesus was able to dry up a fig tree, calm a storm and feed a multitude, what more with prayers pouring in from friends and family?
This love conquers even my doubts, and weariness. I've seen the best, and now the worst, yet unmoved, unchanged, my spirit remains quiet, humble in patience, loving from a distance and hoping it will not be too late when you realize you were set free for you to be happy...because you were truly, and infinitely loved, beyond this lifetime and the next.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Then the king said, "Bring me a sword." So they brought a sword for the king. He then gave an order: "Cut the living child in two and give half to one and half to the other." The woman whose son was alive was filled with compassion for her son and said to the king, "Please, my lord, give her the living baby! Don't kill him!" But the other said, "Neither I nor you shall have him. Cut him in two!" Then the king gave his ruling: "Give the living baby to the first woman. Do not kill him; she is his mother." - 1 Kings 3:24-26
Once in a lifetime, there comes something extraordinary. This world is full of strife, of sadness, of suffering. Sometimes we close our eyes to the truth and think, I am happy because of the things that are happening. Surely this is God's reward to me for I have been good!
Then without so much as a warning, our world is plunged in darkness and we are like the blind, groping for anything that can tell us of the direction we are walking, hands outstretched catching nothing but air.
The human being is by nature, selfish. We want things for our own. We claim our success as our reward. We claim our children as our own creation, our happiness the evidence of our kindness to other people of which we are now reaping the rewards for. We claim something good to us as something we can rightfully own.
Yet it is amazing how compassion such as exemplified by the woman above in saving her son, amazing how compassion can transform us closer to the creation 'in the image and likeness of God'. The ultimate sacrifice is to give up something or someone we love for causes other than our own selfish needs. Sometimes I think, the great amount of sadness and suffering that my soul has encountered in this life has enlarged my heart with the capacity to love outside of its confines.
Take this for example. A man whom no one knew to be worth anything comes and knocks at a Master's door, asking for food and shelter in exchange for labor. The Master, at the sight of the man in tattered clothes, is moved with compassion and decides to give him a chance. He tells him to till the land he owns and to plant crops that grow there by the season. He tells the man he can take a portion of the crops at harvest and have these as his food or sell them to the market to make a living of. The man is beside himself with joy and immediately he starts to work.
The Master's land yields produce more than anyone has ever seen in the entire town. The Master is gladdened and the man, though weary with hard labor, comes home at the end of the day with a satiated heart. As years passed by the man soon grew restless and yearned to make more income without working as much. Soon, a rich merchant moves into town and decides to settle in the town permanently. One afternoon, as the man walks back from the market having just sold some of the crops he harvested, sees the large house of the merchant, standing on top of a hill. He decides to take a closer look.
Before he even gets near the fence, the Merchant sees him lingering outside and thinking that he can use an extra pair of hands to sell his wares at the market, immediately hires him and tells him to be at the marketplace the following day to sell wares from all over the world which the Merchant sells. The man hesitated and mentioned that he owed his Master, but the Merchant insisted that the debt can be paid off. He gave the man twice the wage he earned for the years he spent working for his Master and told him he is hired now and would be paid double provided he show up at the marketplace early the following morning to sell the wares.
The man rushed back to his Master and in excitement, told him everything that had happened. He gives the Master the payment given by the Merchant to buy him off and leaves. As the man walks swiftly away in the direction of the Merchant's house, the Master looks on, his heart seeming to swell with sadness, accepting what had happened and praying for the man to find satisfaction in life at last at the Merchant's place.
The Master wanted the man to stay, since he tilled the land well and the produce was great. But he could not keep him from where he wanted to go and whom he wanted to work for. Thus, the imprint of his life is sadness completed by a sense of accomplishment. That what will be has come to being, and the path we have made for ourselves, is soon to be clear
-Many of us pursue what our hearts, bodies and souls desire. Sometimes we find happiness, sometimes we don't. Yet not everything we desire is good for us, nor does everything we own for our benefit. All I know at this point is that God is truly alive. He listens, and knows the truest intention of our hearts. There are people I love whom I'd rather they be in a better place. Though I seem to be powerless, in steadfast prayers, there is unending hope, peace and compassion. Such as the one rightfully discerned by the wise King in the passage above.
(This post is dedicated to Mom, thank God for His saving grace, you have been healed! Years of smoking and the x-ray shows clear lungs! God is great, and truly He is the God of the living. I rest my hope in Him for His plans for us are shrouded but He leads us through. Thank you for teaching me by example the compassion to surrender things and people according to His plan.)
Once in a lifetime, there comes something extraordinary. This world is full of strife, of sadness, of suffering. Sometimes we close our eyes to the truth and think, I am happy because of the things that are happening. Surely this is God's reward to me for I have been good!
Then without so much as a warning, our world is plunged in darkness and we are like the blind, groping for anything that can tell us of the direction we are walking, hands outstretched catching nothing but air.
The human being is by nature, selfish. We want things for our own. We claim our success as our reward. We claim our children as our own creation, our happiness the evidence of our kindness to other people of which we are now reaping the rewards for. We claim something good to us as something we can rightfully own.
Yet it is amazing how compassion such as exemplified by the woman above in saving her son, amazing how compassion can transform us closer to the creation 'in the image and likeness of God'. The ultimate sacrifice is to give up something or someone we love for causes other than our own selfish needs. Sometimes I think, the great amount of sadness and suffering that my soul has encountered in this life has enlarged my heart with the capacity to love outside of its confines.
Take this for example. A man whom no one knew to be worth anything comes and knocks at a Master's door, asking for food and shelter in exchange for labor. The Master, at the sight of the man in tattered clothes, is moved with compassion and decides to give him a chance. He tells him to till the land he owns and to plant crops that grow there by the season. He tells the man he can take a portion of the crops at harvest and have these as his food or sell them to the market to make a living of. The man is beside himself with joy and immediately he starts to work.
The Master's land yields produce more than anyone has ever seen in the entire town. The Master is gladdened and the man, though weary with hard labor, comes home at the end of the day with a satiated heart. As years passed by the man soon grew restless and yearned to make more income without working as much. Soon, a rich merchant moves into town and decides to settle in the town permanently. One afternoon, as the man walks back from the market having just sold some of the crops he harvested, sees the large house of the merchant, standing on top of a hill. He decides to take a closer look.
Before he even gets near the fence, the Merchant sees him lingering outside and thinking that he can use an extra pair of hands to sell his wares at the market, immediately hires him and tells him to be at the marketplace the following day to sell wares from all over the world which the Merchant sells. The man hesitated and mentioned that he owed his Master, but the Merchant insisted that the debt can be paid off. He gave the man twice the wage he earned for the years he spent working for his Master and told him he is hired now and would be paid double provided he show up at the marketplace early the following morning to sell the wares.
The man rushed back to his Master and in excitement, told him everything that had happened. He gives the Master the payment given by the Merchant to buy him off and leaves. As the man walks swiftly away in the direction of the Merchant's house, the Master looks on, his heart seeming to swell with sadness, accepting what had happened and praying for the man to find satisfaction in life at last at the Merchant's place.
The Master wanted the man to stay, since he tilled the land well and the produce was great. But he could not keep him from where he wanted to go and whom he wanted to work for. Thus, the imprint of his life is sadness completed by a sense of accomplishment. That what will be has come to being, and the path we have made for ourselves, is soon to be clear
-Many of us pursue what our hearts, bodies and souls desire. Sometimes we find happiness, sometimes we don't. Yet not everything we desire is good for us, nor does everything we own for our benefit. All I know at this point is that God is truly alive. He listens, and knows the truest intention of our hearts. There are people I love whom I'd rather they be in a better place. Though I seem to be powerless, in steadfast prayers, there is unending hope, peace and compassion. Such as the one rightfully discerned by the wise King in the passage above.
(This post is dedicated to Mom, thank God for His saving grace, you have been healed! Years of smoking and the x-ray shows clear lungs! God is great, and truly He is the God of the living. I rest my hope in Him for His plans for us are shrouded but He leads us through. Thank you for teaching me by example the compassion to surrender things and people according to His plan.)
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