Musings

Once in a million lifetimes, you come across a love that's impossible.

Pure in form and humble in patience.

Forgiving and strong, withstanding years full of trials; of distances, choices, goodbye's and hello's.

Love that thrives without being stoked.

Beating alive in songs.

Endless.

In likeness to God's love.

God saw that Israel was not being faithful to Him. And He wept bitterly. Yet He did not venture to choose a new nation to become His chosen people. He became angry, sent his punishment, then eventually forgave. His love was triumphant from the very beginning, the greatest manifestation of which was the ultimate sacrifice of His only Son.

God's love is endless. The depth of his compassion is overwhelming. Israel was His bride, yet several times it turned its back on Him. God left Israel out of anger but then He said in Israel 54:5-7...

"The LORD will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit— a wife who married young, only to be rejected," says your God. "For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with deep compassion I will bring you back."

He added in an excerpt from Isaiah 49:23...

"Then you will know that I am the LORD; those who hope in me will not be disappointed."

My hope rests in Him who saves me. The one, who for some reason, stokes the love in my heart and will not let me give up. The one whose divine power is so great that I can remember moments of pain yet still want to save what can be saved.

I do not understand the plan that He has. Though I admit I've tried to decipher it. This is entirely beyond my ability to comprehend.

I can choose the easier way. To walk away, start a new life, find a new partner, seek a new career, rest my life in hope that everything will work out better for me this time.

So many take this path and have ended up happy. It was their choice.

Yet, my heart is being tugged in a different direction. I walk down the road but my mind travels down the road where there are fishponds on either side, where in a flash, basketball courts fly past outside a window of a hurrying bus, catching a glimpse of a restaurant whose name likens to his former love. I work and type yet the words that flow are not templates but are poetry in depth and meaning. I answer calls cheerily yet the quality manager in the call coaching sessions declares she senses a hint of 'loneliness' in the voice of the agent. I travel back home but find myself traveling back in time, walking in a steady pace up the stairs to the third floor at thirty past one where it joins two buildings together at the campus, my heart jumping at the sight of one who waits with his back to me.

None of these makes sense.

With complete resolve, I managed for a year to suppress memories that beat me down. And I got up, grabbed a job, started a life, earned for my family, without so much as a second for a blink of tears.

Now I'm flooded...

In time, all of this will make sense.

Time changes everything.

People come out of major depression and learn life's lessons hard. Sometimes people wait patiently for them to come out of the spell. Sometimes people also need to take a breather.

How infinite in strength this heart is, the source of which is You, God, to withstand blows and wait in loving patience despite the uncertainty.

I will remain steadfast in prayers. Who knows? With a dab of faith, Jesus was able to dry up a fig tree, calm a storm and feed a multitude, what more with prayers pouring in from friends and family?

This love conquers even my doubts, and weariness. I've seen the best, and now the worst, yet unmoved, unchanged, my spirit remains quiet, humble in patience, loving from a distance and hoping it will not be too late when you realize you were set free for you to be happy...because you were truly, and infinitely loved, beyond this lifetime and the next.