I'm kept awake by the guy singing Mang Jose in a kind of bluesy way at the beerhouse right outside our village. Now he's singing 21 Guns, and it sounds like a cross between Michael Buble and Metallica. It's totally new in a non-flattering way. Sir, please...shut up.
Retreating back to memories...
...Oh, but before I do, a blast from the past said he read some of the entries here and recognized himself. Funny. He said reading my blog is like riding a time machine. It really is, isn't it? Can you imagine that I once saw you this way, my reader, especially if you're from my high school? I probably saw you once in the hallway, flipping your hair over your shoulder, putting concealer on...or talking to your girlfriends or best buds about that new craze, the new song, who got caught making out with whom, who you're speculating would die in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban...or my eyes must've caught you cheating on a test paper, snoozing during Homeroom, flirting with your guy's best friend, munching down several cuapao's behind the White House, shedding tears at the Guidance's Office...
I have good memory. Sometimes. I remember this particular memory... I was 8 years old, in the living room, painting the coconut trees in our front yard on several oslo papers when I looked up, gazed at the blue sky with the white puffy clouds floating serenely by, the summer breeze coming in from the open windows, and I thought to myself, I'll remember this moment forever. And I do. When I remember that moment, I still remember everything, even the way I sat on the floor, what I was wearing, how generally happy and grateful I felt for being alive.
Taking a trip down memory lane now...
March 10, 2001 - Saturday
The exams are finally over. We went to Acoustic Guy's place yesterday and the sky was simply exquisite. I think that the moon is splendid not only because she is an entity of her own but also because the stars and the clouds adorn her. The sky at night is as black as emptiness so that the moon’s beauty can shine like candlelight. Has anyone ever adored the candle in broad daylight? Isn’t it more alluring in the dark?
I bonded with Beautiful Clouds. We went through all of her stuff and reminisced. And I learned how to play billiards with Childhood Rival.
We went to Signorina's house today. And then went to ATC and watched Miss Congeniality. The movie was neat.
...But the grandest of moments could not pierce through the hardest of stones. My own sun has become the cause of my shriveling.
Random Thoughts
Do you ever wonder if the day comes when you realize that nothing happens anymore? Does that mean the increased unemployment rate for men who work in companies that manufacture diaries…? Just an odd thought. Experiencing Neruda is like embracing the shock of brain freeze. His real name is Neftali Ricardo Reyes. I have written more of his pieces in my journal.
Random Thoughts
We fight for our right to be treated in the vessel of freedom and equality. And from time to time, we win our battles. But how come we don’t fight with as much passion for life’s creations? Like a global, green revolution. How do we judge wisdom? Is a man wise when he loves, knows from the start its hopelessness therefore gives up? Or is man wise when he continues to love without expecting anything in return?
Beautiful Clouds thinks I write beautifully. I’m just an interpreter of life.
March 11, 2001 - Sunday
It's early morning. I want to escape into portals of childhood coconut trees and lakes caressed by the music of a soft breeze. I want to sink into despair as though nothing else can chase the despair away. But the spirit stays strong and leans upon the wilting willow nearby.
‘Love is not in words or in tongue but in deed and in truth.’
March 12, 2001 - Monday
Evening.
I called him up through Beautiful Clouds' help. Dear Beautiful Clouds. I asked if we could talk about something that was deeply troubling my mind. He said, “Yeah, tomorrow.” I guess that’s better than nothing. When we were about to put our phones down, he softly said with some tenderness, “Good night…” Beautiful Clouds said we were like Laurie and Jo. My mind ceases to work.
March 14, 2001 - Wednesday
Beautiful Clouds and I watched 10 Things I Hate About You. It was nice. The graduation practices were boring. Grad Ball. I don’t have a date or escort or whatever. I'll be attending with the Tropang Stag.
The whole world is a perfect painting of Melrose Place. People are exchanging dates and partners. I’m sensing something bad’s about to happen.
He and I talked. Resolved things. He’s relieved. And I’m burdened. I’ve taken another step to higher pretense.
March 15, 2001 - Thursday
It's 2nd Year High Best Friend's birthday today. We set up the perfect place for her surprise party. Angelic Voice and Angelic were really nice. I got bruised (er…a small cut is more like it). It didn’t matter.
The exams are finally over. We went to Acoustic Guy's place yesterday and the sky was simply exquisite. I think that the moon is splendid not only because she is an entity of her own but also because the stars and the clouds adorn her. The sky at night is as black as emptiness so that the moon’s beauty can shine like candlelight. Has anyone ever adored the candle in broad daylight? Isn’t it more alluring in the dark?
I bonded with Beautiful Clouds. We went through all of her stuff and reminisced. And I learned how to play billiards with Childhood Rival.
We went to Signorina's house today. And then went to ATC and watched Miss Congeniality. The movie was neat.
...But the grandest of moments could not pierce through the hardest of stones. My own sun has become the cause of my shriveling.
Random Thoughts
Do you ever wonder if the day comes when you realize that nothing happens anymore? Does that mean the increased unemployment rate for men who work in companies that manufacture diaries…? Just an odd thought. Experiencing Neruda is like embracing the shock of brain freeze. His real name is Neftali Ricardo Reyes. I have written more of his pieces in my journal.
Random Thoughts
We fight for our right to be treated in the vessel of freedom and equality. And from time to time, we win our battles. But how come we don’t fight with as much passion for life’s creations? Like a global, green revolution. How do we judge wisdom? Is a man wise when he loves, knows from the start its hopelessness therefore gives up? Or is man wise when he continues to love without expecting anything in return?
Beautiful Clouds thinks I write beautifully. I’m just an interpreter of life.
March 11, 2001 - Sunday
It's early morning. I want to escape into portals of childhood coconut trees and lakes caressed by the music of a soft breeze. I want to sink into despair as though nothing else can chase the despair away. But the spirit stays strong and leans upon the wilting willow nearby.
‘Love is not in words or in tongue but in deed and in truth.’
March 12, 2001 - Monday
Evening.
I called him up through Beautiful Clouds' help. Dear Beautiful Clouds. I asked if we could talk about something that was deeply troubling my mind. He said, “Yeah, tomorrow.” I guess that’s better than nothing. When we were about to put our phones down, he softly said with some tenderness, “Good night…” Beautiful Clouds said we were like Laurie and Jo. My mind ceases to work.
March 14, 2001 - Wednesday
Beautiful Clouds and I watched 10 Things I Hate About You. It was nice. The graduation practices were boring. Grad Ball. I don’t have a date or escort or whatever. I'll be attending with the Tropang Stag.
The whole world is a perfect painting of Melrose Place. People are exchanging dates and partners. I’m sensing something bad’s about to happen.
He and I talked. Resolved things. He’s relieved. And I’m burdened. I’ve taken another step to higher pretense.
March 15, 2001 - Thursday
It's 2nd Year High Best Friend's birthday today. We set up the perfect place for her surprise party. Angelic Voice and Angelic were really nice. I got bruised (er…a small cut is more like it). It didn’t matter.
He was being true to his word. We were talking again. He was teasing me about being close with Rodya (because Rodya carried a table for me without me even asking him) and he led 2nd Year High Best Friend to believe that I was already going with someone to the Ball.
Sir Iean and Ms. Framel were there! It was sweet of them.
After that, we rushed for Mamu’s surprise birthday bash. It was nice. The Embryo write-ups were fantastic. I loved the format!
March 16, 2001 - Friday
He's been texting me about the Embryo pictures. I went to October's house. Lawyer, Cussing Nurse, Choco, Childhood Rival, etc. were there. We watched The Wedding Planner and Titan A.E. We were criticizing the films. The award was given to T.A.E. because it seemed to be made up by parts of other movies. I remember Lawyer laughing because she was delighted with this weird-looking bug character. She thought it looked cute and in mid-laughter, the bug got blown to pieces.
She was like, “Hahaha! Haha! Oh…it died.”
The sky was dazzling. It seems so peaceful and mysterious.
Received the NSAT results. Got 99 in English. I didn’t even expect to pass. I've been so preoccupied lately.
March 17, 2001 - Saturday
4:05 AM
I’m thankful I woke up this early. I’m watching the sunrise. I’m completely enthralled by the way the sky seems torn by the early rays. Like it’s being ripped into shreds as the morning light comes in. The transition is so breathtaking…
I’m recalling how fixed things up. I’m really privileged to have met him.The best that we’ve come to realize is the truth; that we love each other and that this knowledge exists in the best vessels of timelessness. The soul.
March 18, 2001 - Sunday
Wuthering Heights is interesting work. I’m falling in love with it. My ex is currently texting me. I find it Weird. Blessing or not, it’s a load off my
mind. I though we were going to graduate without talking.
March 19, 2001 - Monday
Today’s our first 3-8PM practice for the graduation rites but I went to school earlier because I wanted to help the slideshow people with their work. At least I was able to contribute one song.
It always feels nice when you make someone smile.
Sir Aldryn was teaching us (the choir) the tune of the songs and I transferred from where I was sitting to the pew, softly singing Popeye the Sailor Man to the tune of Enter, Rejoice since they almost have the same tune. I didn’t know everybody was listening till I heard them chuckle and heard him stifle a laugh...
It's so comforting to care for somebody and to stop feels wrong...
March 20, 2001 - Tuesday
I went to 11's Member's house. They were talking about Miss Lorraine and eventually, Miss Nanette. I tried defending her but it was difficult since I was the only one who actually knew her, and was the only one trying. My frustration led me to leave early and to helpless tears...
But not before they confessed that they hated Embryo. Everybody hates Embryo. Everyone's entitled to his own opinion. I brought my radio to school to help the slide show people. But Jock asked me to leave, so did Ms. Nanette, both of whom didn’t know I was able to contribute something to the slide show. What really hurt me was the fact that I’ve just defended Ms. Nanette the best I could... Still I couldn’t blame her for brushing me off...
It always feels nice when you make someone smile.
Sir Aldryn was teaching us (the choir) the tune of the songs and I transferred from where I was sitting to the pew, softly singing Popeye the Sailor Man to the tune of Enter, Rejoice since they almost have the same tune. I didn’t know everybody was listening till I heard them chuckle and heard him stifle a laugh...
It's so comforting to care for somebody and to stop feels wrong...
March 20, 2001 - Tuesday
I went to 11's Member's house. They were talking about Miss Lorraine and eventually, Miss Nanette. I tried defending her but it was difficult since I was the only one who actually knew her, and was the only one trying. My frustration led me to leave early and to helpless tears...
But not before they confessed that they hated Embryo. Everybody hates Embryo. Everyone's entitled to his own opinion. I brought my radio to school to help the slide show people. But Jock asked me to leave, so did Ms. Nanette, both of whom didn’t know I was able to contribute something to the slide show. What really hurt me was the fact that I’ve just defended Ms. Nanette the best I could... Still I couldn’t blame her for brushing me off...
March 21, 2001 - Wednesday
We went to Bloomfield to visit Enigma. It was nice to see her again. The graduation practice last night was tiring but fun because Ms. Carol was eing silly. She kept singing along with the background songs and Freddie almost got us into trouble (we couldn’t help laughing) when he said that she was better at video kareras than videokes. Ms. Babes complimented us.
Actually, it was Ms. Nanette who paid the compliment so people naturally started raising their eyebrows because they assumed she was saying it because we were intimate with her.
“Very good, Embryology,” she added, “It came from Ms. Babes ha.” We kept snickering and muttering, “Mahal na tayo ni Ms. Babes!” The chorale practices were cool.
March 22, 2001 - Thursday
We rehearsed for the Baccalaureate Mass.
Er, he and I just found ourselves sitting beside each other. Lucky kept making me laugh because of a joke about a rocking chair and a grandma.
I just realized...
He said something...when we patched things up. He explained that we haven’t been talking because if we did, the whole class would erupt and start teasing us...Hmm. I’ve sent him several letters before we were finally able to talk. Then does that mean he wasn’t avoiding me because of the letters I gave him...? *Grin*
March 23, 2001 - Friday
We went to ATC today. Watched The Gift. It turned into a comedy because everyone in the theatre kept screaming at exactly the same time. I’ve received my UST acceptance letter and he thumbed my name on Ms. Lhou’s name list.
To Embryo: Crimson flowers dancing slowly to the cold night’s farewell...while the steady flame of amber leaves give life to the hearth of the earth. The echo of a heartbeat, feeding the hollowness of my spirit. This much I know. Wake and I love you. Like all the moments we’ve shared that were often counted by time’s endless mockery, this is the cause of my weeping. The beauty I’ve seen in your soul, Embryology, is the food for my long hunger. And you’ve fed me with the most satisfying fill...Your company. In the meantime, let us let the music flow past barriers that keep us apart. And the lyrics give the barren melody life...
March 24, 2001 - Saturday
Baccalaureate Mass. We had a good performance. The orchestra was impressive.
I don’t understand why anguish comes with goodbye...The class is going to separate in a few days...
More
Cussing Nurse was with him a while ago and they bumped into Ms. Nanette. Cussing Nurse said Ms. Nanette looked at him then remarked, “Ito. Magsasabi-sabi ng I love you, di naman panindigan ang sinasabi.”
...
March 25, 2001 - Sunday
Excerpt from Amanda Bradley:
‘…If we let our thoughts wander, they naturally turn to subjects that bring special pleasure, to warmhearted words and to generous deeds, to kindness we’ll always treasure. They turn to the moments when someone was there to hear us and answer a call, when someone went way beyond what was required, they said it was nothing at all…If we let our thoughts wander. Wherever they will, so often when they came to rest, it’s with people who’ve meant such a lot in our lives, the people we’ve come to love best.’
This was in a card and I thought it suited perfectly my affection and gratitude for Beautiful Clouds. I hope she liked it. It’s a great night tonight.
March 26, 2001 - Monday
Graduation.
The best part of the day was being with the class.
We’ll hold that moment in our mind for years to come…*Smile*
March 29, 2001 - Thursday
Last night.
Graduation Ball.
I wanted to dance with him. At least one song.
I waited.
But it didn’t happen.
Nothing made me feel like we’re parting right.
Even the beauty of the sky couldn't take away my sadness.
More
Beautiful Clouds left for her vacation. I’ll miss her terribly.
March 31, 2001 - Saturday
What if all of a sudden, we run out of things to say? What if, with just one snap of a finger, we can’t remember who we are or where we’re heading? When the rest of the world indulges in pleasant nonsense...we can’t even remember how to be part of the normality? I’m having sad thoughts because I miss the most important people in my life.
More
Rodya and I talked...and I think...he harbors feelings for me. He also said something that deeply moved me. He said during the retreat, since the boys had a room to themselves, they talked about my letters and how they found my letters profound and passionate. Thanks guys.
April 2, 2001 - Monday
We went to Tito Doc's place yesterday. I enjoyed it there. I felt like I was in a real home.
April 3, 2001 - Tuesday
Life at Kuya's house is difficult. We stayed at his place for a while because finally, we were evicted from the house we were renting and we asked him to accommodate us for the time being at least until I finish school. We try to bond but then no matter how much work we do around the house, especially Mom...we don’t feel comfortable. The room we stay in is overly stuffed with our things that we hardly have any place to move at all.
I’m tired. I miss my friends.
April 4, 2001 - Wednesday
I went to Choco's house today to send an e-mail to my Dad, asking for him to help us. Mom and I would be transferring to another place soon. Tenement, Taguig. The place where she grew up after Grandma, she and her siblings transferred to Manila from Ilocos. 402 Tenement Building, Western Bicutan, South Super Hi-Way, Taguig, Philippines.
My heart is breaking with the thought that here I am again, leaving people I love...
It’s a whole new world out there. A place where I’ll take my chances. But I’m ready. The Lord knows where I’m heading.
April 5, 2001 - Thursday
‘Fresh as the morning dew, your music swells in my heart. Have I known you all my life? You are a whole part. What such beauty could have lived his life, gliding along with the evolving dance. Without you, why have I survived? A mistake to be enhanced. Love is the light and melody from your glee. An angel in our lives is what I see. The passing of every day and night, we smile for a dream to come true. Nothing simpler than to be special and close to you…’
I wrote this when I was thirteen years old, for Michael Jackson...
*Sigh*
March 26, 2001 - Monday
Graduation.
The best part of the day was being with the class.
We’ll hold that moment in our mind for years to come…*Smile*
March 29, 2001 - Thursday
Last night.
Graduation Ball.
I wanted to dance with him. At least one song.
I waited.
But it didn’t happen.
Nothing made me feel like we’re parting right.
Even the beauty of the sky couldn't take away my sadness.
More
Beautiful Clouds left for her vacation. I’ll miss her terribly.
March 31, 2001 - Saturday
What if all of a sudden, we run out of things to say? What if, with just one snap of a finger, we can’t remember who we are or where we’re heading? When the rest of the world indulges in pleasant nonsense...we can’t even remember how to be part of the normality? I’m having sad thoughts because I miss the most important people in my life.
More
Rodya and I talked...and I think...he harbors feelings for me. He also said something that deeply moved me. He said during the retreat, since the boys had a room to themselves, they talked about my letters and how they found my letters profound and passionate. Thanks guys.
April 2, 2001 - Monday
We went to Tito Doc's place yesterday. I enjoyed it there. I felt like I was in a real home.
April 3, 2001 - Tuesday
Life at Kuya's house is difficult. We stayed at his place for a while because finally, we were evicted from the house we were renting and we asked him to accommodate us for the time being at least until I finish school. We try to bond but then no matter how much work we do around the house, especially Mom...we don’t feel comfortable. The room we stay in is overly stuffed with our things that we hardly have any place to move at all.
I’m tired. I miss my friends.
April 4, 2001 - Wednesday
I went to Choco's house today to send an e-mail to my Dad, asking for him to help us. Mom and I would be transferring to another place soon. Tenement, Taguig. The place where she grew up after Grandma, she and her siblings transferred to Manila from Ilocos. 402 Tenement Building, Western Bicutan, South Super Hi-Way, Taguig, Philippines.
My heart is breaking with the thought that here I am again, leaving people I love...
It’s a whole new world out there. A place where I’ll take my chances. But I’m ready. The Lord knows where I’m heading.
April 5, 2001 - Thursday
‘Fresh as the morning dew, your music swells in my heart. Have I known you all my life? You are a whole part. What such beauty could have lived his life, gliding along with the evolving dance. Without you, why have I survived? A mistake to be enhanced. Love is the light and melody from your glee. An angel in our lives is what I see. The passing of every day and night, we smile for a dream to come true. Nothing simpler than to be special and close to you…’
I wrote this when I was thirteen years old, for Michael Jackson...
*Sigh*
No comments:
Post a Comment