Things in Sendai are devastating. We might not understand what God’s plans are but I pray we will all be united, steadfast in prayer and faith that His mercy for the world still stands. May the Japanese people remain strong and may this occurrence be an opportunity for our Christian brothers and sisters to share the Good News about Jesus through doing endless good deeds.
On a more personal note, I still miss him. I felt the throb of pain especially when I was sketching their faces and I needed to start with his since he was at the leftmost. Staring into that face, so many memories started flooding my mind. But I had to keep back the tears...
Yet the pain lessens everyday. Too much pain has driven me back to God’s arms, and it’s a miracle that He has accepted me again. I keep praying for the strength to endure this day by day, step by step…until I find myself whole once again…
“No one knew better than I what you’d gone through and I wanted you to stop fighting and let me fight for you.” – Gone with the Wind
July 1, 2002 - Monday
I started the rapid reading program. I hope I learn new skills soon.
July 2, 2002 - Tuesday
I find myself singing You’re Still You a lot lately. It’s really a nice song. I’ve been occupied with the rapid reading program. Hope the Lord’s blessings go with me.
I’ve just finished watching Ally Mcbeal. Too bad they’re ending the show. Gian has been incredibly funny today. He kept squealing. It was really cute.
Mama has fallen ill. I’m praying for her speedy recovery.
Mommy cooked carrots today. They’re my favorite. She also cooked a mix of veggies that was agreeable to my palate. I’m not much of a veggie person but they were really good.
Today was a nice day. Summarizing all the things I feel as of this moment, I think today was really a good day. I was able to meet my short-term goals. Aside from that, I feel inspired. To write, to draw, to sing, to learn, to dance, to be silly, to be serious, to be everything, to do anything.
Somebody up there really loves me.
July 3, 2002 - Wednesday
Today, I browsed through my e-mail.
I can’t explain how I feel about Carla’s. She’s truly a liberated person but it’s not enough reason for her to do the things she’s doing. I told her over mail that I’m hurt because of what she’s doing. I have no right to dictate what she should do. But I do have the right to speak my mind and speak my heart.
There aren’t enough words to describe how much I worry for her…how much I’m scared for her…how much I care about how much all of these will hurt her when everything finally sinks in.
Right now, she’s probably angry with me for feeling this way.
I want to tell her I’m sorry for feeling this way. I can’t help it.
But I can only cry.
Enough words.
July 4, 2002 - Thursday
I have no regrets. I said only what I felt. The rest is up to them. To judge me if they want to or to understand me. I texted Carla last night. I told her I’m hurting not for myself but for her. I told her I’m worried out of my wits. And I finally told her I’m sorry for feeling this way but I have no regrets.
She won’t understand what I’m saying right now. But she’ll understand someday.
And when she does, I’ll be there. Not to tell her, ‘I told you so.’
But simply to say, ‘I’m here.’
Other Thoughts
I’m starting to like Kevin Bacon’s voice.
More
I feel so happy today. Rica texted me and asked me to make an interpretation of her song/stuff. I told her I’ve already sent my interpretation over the net. Then after a few hours, she told me that Ivan was asking me to interpret his. Then a couple of hours later, Dianne asked me to interpret two literary thingies.
It’s such an honor to be somehow of some help to my friends.
I’m having difficulty with Math and Physics. Hope I’d get through everything just fine.
I’ve almost forgotten how attached I used to be with Michael Jackson’s music. It’s a good thing there’s MP3.
I’ve suddenly realized…it’s neat to be a poet.
July 5, 2002 - Friday
I surfed the net today. And I found out that a certain international publishing company would be holding a 3-Day Novel Writing Contest. I’ve read the mechanics and I’ve been thinking about joining. The question is ‘Can I make a novel of one hundred pages within three days?’
I really hope so. There’s like an application fee. I need some time to think about this. I haven’t even thoroughly reviewed for UPCAT. I’m beginning to lose confidence nevertheless I have to push myself to the best I can be. So that if I fail, I’ll know it’s not because I didn’t try.
July 6, 2002 - Saturday
I feel restless. I feel like there are a million things I have to do but I have no clue what they are. Argh.
I had the strangest dream. Wendell Ramos was in my dream. What the?
July 7, 2002 - Sunday
It’s 12:18 in the morning.
July 8, 2002 - Monday
I am moved by the invisible majesty of everything around me.
But most of all, I am moved by music.
More
I can’t seem to write an enough detailed account here.
The rapid reading program takes up almost all my time.
July 9, 2002 - Tuesday
I e-mailed the contest I’ve been planning to join. It’s because it was stated in their rules that one who’s aspiring to join should write at exact 12:01 AM of August 31 (Saturday) and continue on until Monday. Since I am a contestant outside of Canada, I got confused with the timelines. They replied. I was actually expecting no responses because they’re probably too busy to pay me any attention but I was wrong. The reply was actually very cordial in tone. They told me that I should write on August 31st here in the Philippines. And they even wished me luck. Neat, huh?
It’s my first time joining a contest not associated with school. In my heart, I’m fervently praying. May the Lord guide me where He sees me fit.
More
I’ve told Kitkat about my plans on joining but I didn’t mention the name of the contest. It’s because I don’t really want to tell anyone yet because they’d all be expecting something wonderful from me and I don’t want that kind of pressure on my back. I haven’t even told Mom. Actually I don’t have any plans to tell her at least not until the contest is over. To God be the glory.
July 10, 2002 - Wednesday
I had an unusually nice day. We went to UP but I wasn’t able to give them my application form because I wasn’t able to complete my requirements (Ms. Amy Gan told me I was to pass an affidavit of non-enrollment in college) so I have to return there on Friday. We went to Baclaran afterwards to pray. It was heartening to be there, among the multitude of people practicing their faith.
It has been a long time since I entered the church for I have suffered the heartache of one whose expectations of the Catholic Church were failed. But never once did I stop praying to the Lord. Every morning, at night, while taking a shower, before eating, after eating, while outside, during writing.
He occupies me and I love Him for being everywhere and in everything. I did not lose touch with my faith for my quiet times with Him sustained it even more.
When I entered the Baclaran church, I felt overwhelmed at having entered a house of prayer for Him and for the blessed mother in such a long time. As we stood at the side praying silently with our minds, I noticed the image of the Lord Jesus. I gazed at it longingly as I poured out my heart in prayer. I spoke to Him about my ambitions, my heartaches, my sins, my love, my joy and everything that I’ve felt and known for the past period of time that I have not entered His church. Suddenly, the image seemed to move as I watched the hands of the Lord Jesus motioning. I could not determine whether they were simply waving slowly in the air or whether He was beckoning to me. My heart was filled with delight while my entire body seemed as if suddenly seized by wonderment, fear and longing. I decided not to tell my mother about it or anybody else for fear of how they would react. They might say I only made it up. They might say it was only my imagination.
But that moment inspired me to strive to be the best I can be as each day comes.
The Lord knows the truth. Nothing else matters.
More
My Mom and I ate our breakfast at McDonald’s. This man (he seems American) came in and started staring at me. I was feeling uneasy. I asked Mom to order another hash brown. When she returned from the counter, she had this lopsided grin. I asked her what happened. She told me that while ordering, the man who was also ordering talked to her. It seems he asked my Mom if I was my mom’s daughter and Mom said, ‘Yes.’ Then the man said, ‘She’s very maganda.’ Mom beamed and replied, ‘Thank you.’
Then we went out to deposit at PNB (UP account). But PNB wasn’t open yet so we went back to McDonald’s. We were entering at the exact same time the man was leaving. And then he said, ‘O, she’s back. Maganda’s back.’
I just smiled politely at him.
July 13, 2002 - Saturday
I had the most grueling day yesterday. We left early to go to UP to pass my application forms. But when we got there, Ms. Amy Gan said there was something wrong with the transcript and affidavit. My math average in the form137 was different from the one in the transcript while the affidavit stated that I had not been enrolled in any universities or colleges within the Philippines. Ms. Amy said what if I enrolled ‘outside’ the Philippines. So I called up Seton and asked their help. Since yesterday was the deadline, mom, Mama and I went all the way to Las Piñas to get the transcript. After we received the transcript from the Registrar’s, we went to the canteen to buy cuapao, dumplings and kuchay (this was the best part of the day).
Then we went to Taguig to ask Atty. Rommel Villahermosa (who knows almost every member of the Nola family and who amazingly looks like a cross between Sir Albert and Fanny Serrano). Then we proceeded to UP again. I finally received my test permit. The trip home was the most irritating trip of the day. I don’t even want to go into details. Except that now I know how it must feel like to be a sardine under the African sun.
But the best thing about the whole day was our perseverance, which was inspired from knowing that nothing’s going to happen that He and we together can’t handle.
July 14, 2002 - Sunday
I’ve had a splitting headache half the day that’s why I wasn’t able to practice my speed-reading for another session. Mom talked to Aunt Linda and she also got to talk to Kuya Dan and Ate Ellen. When she told me what they told her, I felt completely touched by their generosity. Mom said they hoped I would study well and if I have plans for Broadway, Kuya Dan would help me out. They even told her that I could stay at their place. Mom said they like my way of writing.
My talent comes from the Lord and I offer Him back the glory that I attain from it.
July 18, 2002 - Thursday
We went to Baclaran yesterday. As we prayed, I felt really thankful that we were spending time together in the church.
Papu and Calai lent me their notes. Thanks!
Mom bought the Star Wars Trilogy, the last three episodes. Yay! Thanks mom!
It really was a great day.
July 22, 2002 - Monday
It’s Pop’s birthday today.
I was in the middle of sending Ate Marie (Aunt Linda’s daughter) a letter yesterday when Lola called and invited Mom and me. She wanted us to meet her tomorrow (which is today) at RFC Molino. So we met her around 10 AM and we ate at McDo, singing ‘Happy Birthday’ before taking our first bite. Afterwards, we called up Dad and greeted him. He sounded groggy. Perhaps he’s just woken up. Mom greeted him. Then as Lola was conversing with him, she said something like, ‘Kasama ko ang mag-ina mo e, kasi para naman ma-celebrate naming ang birthday mo *laugh* Ok lang ba?’
Mom’s eyes met mine and we shook our heads in disbelief.
We went to BPI Zapote Branch because all of her transactions were transferred there. I waited on Mom and Lola. Afterwards, we ate at Jollibee. Then we helped Lola find a jeep home. Then Mom and I boarded a Baclaran jeep.
That’s when Mom told me about what Lola talked to her about. She said Lola wanted to make a POA for me so that if she wants to deposit something in the bank, she can just ask me to deposit. At her age, she needs someone to run errands for her. And I’d rather her trust me than a neighbor or someone else not intimate with her.
I hope all of Lola’s problems would be over soon.
I wish Dad would be so pleased with me that he’d buy me a Sony Playstation 1.
*Helpless Smile*
I’m a kid at heart.
Today was a good day. Dios Ti Agnina.
On a more personal note, I still miss him. I felt the throb of pain especially when I was sketching their faces and I needed to start with his since he was at the leftmost. Staring into that face, so many memories started flooding my mind. But I had to keep back the tears...
Yet the pain lessens everyday. Too much pain has driven me back to God’s arms, and it’s a miracle that He has accepted me again. I keep praying for the strength to endure this day by day, step by step…until I find myself whole once again…
“No one knew better than I what you’d gone through and I wanted you to stop fighting and let me fight for you.” – Gone with the Wind
July 1, 2002 - Monday
I started the rapid reading program. I hope I learn new skills soon.
July 2, 2002 - Tuesday
I find myself singing You’re Still You a lot lately. It’s really a nice song. I’ve been occupied with the rapid reading program. Hope the Lord’s blessings go with me.
I’ve just finished watching Ally Mcbeal. Too bad they’re ending the show. Gian has been incredibly funny today. He kept squealing. It was really cute.
Mama has fallen ill. I’m praying for her speedy recovery.
Mommy cooked carrots today. They’re my favorite. She also cooked a mix of veggies that was agreeable to my palate. I’m not much of a veggie person but they were really good.
Today was a nice day. Summarizing all the things I feel as of this moment, I think today was really a good day. I was able to meet my short-term goals. Aside from that, I feel inspired. To write, to draw, to sing, to learn, to dance, to be silly, to be serious, to be everything, to do anything.
Somebody up there really loves me.
July 3, 2002 - Wednesday
Today, I browsed through my e-mail.
I can’t explain how I feel about Carla’s. She’s truly a liberated person but it’s not enough reason for her to do the things she’s doing. I told her over mail that I’m hurt because of what she’s doing. I have no right to dictate what she should do. But I do have the right to speak my mind and speak my heart.
There aren’t enough words to describe how much I worry for her…how much I’m scared for her…how much I care about how much all of these will hurt her when everything finally sinks in.
Right now, she’s probably angry with me for feeling this way.
I want to tell her I’m sorry for feeling this way. I can’t help it.
But I can only cry.
Enough words.
July 4, 2002 - Thursday
I have no regrets. I said only what I felt. The rest is up to them. To judge me if they want to or to understand me. I texted Carla last night. I told her I’m hurting not for myself but for her. I told her I’m worried out of my wits. And I finally told her I’m sorry for feeling this way but I have no regrets.
She won’t understand what I’m saying right now. But she’ll understand someday.
And when she does, I’ll be there. Not to tell her, ‘I told you so.’
But simply to say, ‘I’m here.’
Other Thoughts
I’m starting to like Kevin Bacon’s voice.
More
I feel so happy today. Rica texted me and asked me to make an interpretation of her song/stuff. I told her I’ve already sent my interpretation over the net. Then after a few hours, she told me that Ivan was asking me to interpret his. Then a couple of hours later, Dianne asked me to interpret two literary thingies.
It’s such an honor to be somehow of some help to my friends.
I’m having difficulty with Math and Physics. Hope I’d get through everything just fine.
I’ve almost forgotten how attached I used to be with Michael Jackson’s music. It’s a good thing there’s MP3.
I’ve suddenly realized…it’s neat to be a poet.
July 5, 2002 - Friday
I surfed the net today. And I found out that a certain international publishing company would be holding a 3-Day Novel Writing Contest. I’ve read the mechanics and I’ve been thinking about joining. The question is ‘Can I make a novel of one hundred pages within three days?’
I really hope so. There’s like an application fee. I need some time to think about this. I haven’t even thoroughly reviewed for UPCAT. I’m beginning to lose confidence nevertheless I have to push myself to the best I can be. So that if I fail, I’ll know it’s not because I didn’t try.
July 6, 2002 - Saturday
I feel restless. I feel like there are a million things I have to do but I have no clue what they are. Argh.
I had the strangest dream. Wendell Ramos was in my dream. What the?
July 7, 2002 - Sunday
It’s 12:18 in the morning.
July 8, 2002 - Monday
I am moved by the invisible majesty of everything around me.
But most of all, I am moved by music.
More
I can’t seem to write an enough detailed account here.
The rapid reading program takes up almost all my time.
July 9, 2002 - Tuesday
I e-mailed the contest I’ve been planning to join. It’s because it was stated in their rules that one who’s aspiring to join should write at exact 12:01 AM of August 31 (Saturday) and continue on until Monday. Since I am a contestant outside of Canada, I got confused with the timelines. They replied. I was actually expecting no responses because they’re probably too busy to pay me any attention but I was wrong. The reply was actually very cordial in tone. They told me that I should write on August 31st here in the Philippines. And they even wished me luck. Neat, huh?
It’s my first time joining a contest not associated with school. In my heart, I’m fervently praying. May the Lord guide me where He sees me fit.
More
I’ve told Kitkat about my plans on joining but I didn’t mention the name of the contest. It’s because I don’t really want to tell anyone yet because they’d all be expecting something wonderful from me and I don’t want that kind of pressure on my back. I haven’t even told Mom. Actually I don’t have any plans to tell her at least not until the contest is over. To God be the glory.
July 10, 2002 - Wednesday
I had an unusually nice day. We went to UP but I wasn’t able to give them my application form because I wasn’t able to complete my requirements (Ms. Amy Gan told me I was to pass an affidavit of non-enrollment in college) so I have to return there on Friday. We went to Baclaran afterwards to pray. It was heartening to be there, among the multitude of people practicing their faith.
It has been a long time since I entered the church for I have suffered the heartache of one whose expectations of the Catholic Church were failed. But never once did I stop praying to the Lord. Every morning, at night, while taking a shower, before eating, after eating, while outside, during writing.
He occupies me and I love Him for being everywhere and in everything. I did not lose touch with my faith for my quiet times with Him sustained it even more.
When I entered the Baclaran church, I felt overwhelmed at having entered a house of prayer for Him and for the blessed mother in such a long time. As we stood at the side praying silently with our minds, I noticed the image of the Lord Jesus. I gazed at it longingly as I poured out my heart in prayer. I spoke to Him about my ambitions, my heartaches, my sins, my love, my joy and everything that I’ve felt and known for the past period of time that I have not entered His church. Suddenly, the image seemed to move as I watched the hands of the Lord Jesus motioning. I could not determine whether they were simply waving slowly in the air or whether He was beckoning to me. My heart was filled with delight while my entire body seemed as if suddenly seized by wonderment, fear and longing. I decided not to tell my mother about it or anybody else for fear of how they would react. They might say I only made it up. They might say it was only my imagination.
But that moment inspired me to strive to be the best I can be as each day comes.
The Lord knows the truth. Nothing else matters.
More
My Mom and I ate our breakfast at McDonald’s. This man (he seems American) came in and started staring at me. I was feeling uneasy. I asked Mom to order another hash brown. When she returned from the counter, she had this lopsided grin. I asked her what happened. She told me that while ordering, the man who was also ordering talked to her. It seems he asked my Mom if I was my mom’s daughter and Mom said, ‘Yes.’ Then the man said, ‘She’s very maganda.’ Mom beamed and replied, ‘Thank you.’
Then we went out to deposit at PNB (UP account). But PNB wasn’t open yet so we went back to McDonald’s. We were entering at the exact same time the man was leaving. And then he said, ‘O, she’s back. Maganda’s back.’
I just smiled politely at him.
July 13, 2002 - Saturday
I had the most grueling day yesterday. We left early to go to UP to pass my application forms. But when we got there, Ms. Amy Gan said there was something wrong with the transcript and affidavit. My math average in the form137 was different from the one in the transcript while the affidavit stated that I had not been enrolled in any universities or colleges within the Philippines. Ms. Amy said what if I enrolled ‘outside’ the Philippines. So I called up Seton and asked their help. Since yesterday was the deadline, mom, Mama and I went all the way to Las Piñas to get the transcript. After we received the transcript from the Registrar’s, we went to the canteen to buy cuapao, dumplings and kuchay (this was the best part of the day).
Then we went to Taguig to ask Atty. Rommel Villahermosa (who knows almost every member of the Nola family and who amazingly looks like a cross between Sir Albert and Fanny Serrano). Then we proceeded to UP again. I finally received my test permit. The trip home was the most irritating trip of the day. I don’t even want to go into details. Except that now I know how it must feel like to be a sardine under the African sun.
But the best thing about the whole day was our perseverance, which was inspired from knowing that nothing’s going to happen that He and we together can’t handle.
July 14, 2002 - Sunday
I’ve had a splitting headache half the day that’s why I wasn’t able to practice my speed-reading for another session. Mom talked to Aunt Linda and she also got to talk to Kuya Dan and Ate Ellen. When she told me what they told her, I felt completely touched by their generosity. Mom said they hoped I would study well and if I have plans for Broadway, Kuya Dan would help me out. They even told her that I could stay at their place. Mom said they like my way of writing.
My talent comes from the Lord and I offer Him back the glory that I attain from it.
July 18, 2002 - Thursday
We went to Baclaran yesterday. As we prayed, I felt really thankful that we were spending time together in the church.
Papu and Calai lent me their notes. Thanks!
Mom bought the Star Wars Trilogy, the last three episodes. Yay! Thanks mom!
It really was a great day.
July 22, 2002 - Monday
It’s Pop’s birthday today.
I was in the middle of sending Ate Marie (Aunt Linda’s daughter) a letter yesterday when Lola called and invited Mom and me. She wanted us to meet her tomorrow (which is today) at RFC Molino. So we met her around 10 AM and we ate at McDo, singing ‘Happy Birthday’ before taking our first bite. Afterwards, we called up Dad and greeted him. He sounded groggy. Perhaps he’s just woken up. Mom greeted him. Then as Lola was conversing with him, she said something like, ‘Kasama ko ang mag-ina mo e, kasi para naman ma-celebrate naming ang birthday mo *laugh* Ok lang ba?’
Mom’s eyes met mine and we shook our heads in disbelief.
We went to BPI Zapote Branch because all of her transactions were transferred there. I waited on Mom and Lola. Afterwards, we ate at Jollibee. Then we helped Lola find a jeep home. Then Mom and I boarded a Baclaran jeep.
That’s when Mom told me about what Lola talked to her about. She said Lola wanted to make a POA for me so that if she wants to deposit something in the bank, she can just ask me to deposit. At her age, she needs someone to run errands for her. And I’d rather her trust me than a neighbor or someone else not intimate with her.
I hope all of Lola’s problems would be over soon.
I wish Dad would be so pleased with me that he’d buy me a Sony Playstation 1.
*Helpless Smile*
I’m a kid at heart.
Today was a good day. Dios Ti Agnina.
Random Thoughts
Outside of these documents, I feel like I have no right to dream…to have wishes. Other people think I should prioritize more important things (like live in reality). I just said I wish I had a Sony Playstation 1(I wrote Dad about it several times because he told me to simply write to him if I wanted anything). Then Lola said, ‘A hinde, hinde, kailangan pag-aaral muna ang asikasuhin.’
I’m not a child anymore but I’m still a child at heart. I won’t stay this way forever. So…when’s the right time to play?
I’m not expecting anything.
I guess I just want someone to let me know that I deserve at least a few things that my heart desires…
July 25, 2002 - Thursday
We went to Baclaran yesterday to pray. I feel…enlightened.
I remember Mt. 18:20
‘For where two or three come together in my name, I am there with them.’
My relationship with God is truly overwhelming. Life is so much more beautiful. Only my sincere and fervent love for Him makes me triumphant in my self. I am undergoing a transition once more. Several days ago I asked Mary Mother of Christ for help. And it is truly a wonderful miracle how she has heard my prayer and rescued me from my sins. She is the reason why my spirit feels light and free now.
Most people regard today’s youth as if they are hardly capable of being genuinely devoted to God. When they do discover adolescents inspired by their faith, they seem amazed.
The parable of the sower.
July 26, 2002 - Friday
I’m having terrible tummy cramps. They’re very painful. Imagine alcohol pouring unto a cut.
July 28, 2002 - Sunday
I went to Eloi’s party last night. Everything went okay. I talked to Calai. I was frustrated because I wanted so much to change her views but I couldn’t. I could only advise her and the rest is up to her herself. I trust her angel.
I talked to John. The way we talked felt different from the way we used to talk before. It’s an inevitable phase. I’m feeling it more than he because I’m the one who moved away from Las Piñas. When we talked last night, I could hardly think of something to say. And then to make matters worse, Dianne (who was sitting beside Karen) suddenly turned to us and asked, ‘Do you two have a romantic relationship?’ John answered no. I said no and asked why. And she just shrugged and smiling a weird smile, said, ‘Wala.’ I felt awkward. What John and I have is something that Ally and John have. And I agree with what Ally said, that not many people can have that kind of friendship and to have one is truly a blessing.
John went to the kitchen and came back with a glass of a juice. He handed it to me. I asked him what it was for because I didn’t ask him to fetch me a glass. Then I realized I was thirsty so I thanked him and set it on the table in front of me.
I’m the kind of person whose eyes roam around a room nonstop. So I saw what Karen did. As John was about to leave the room, she stopped him and sort of teased him about the glass of juice. He simply said, ‘Ano ka ba.’
A friend is a soul in two bodies *Smile*.
I wish I had gotten some sense into Calai. While gently pleading her to think otherwise, she just kept getting into a trance.
I finally asked her, ‘Doesn’t it surprise you that other people care more about you than you care about yourself?’
She stared into nothingness, smiling faintly.
I said, ‘See? That’s because you don’t know your own worth.’
Then with the same smile she answered, ‘I have a pretty good idea about what I’m worth.’
I looked at her and said, ‘No, you don’t. Because if you do, you wouldn’t be doing these things and letting those guys treat you the way they want to.’
She fell silent and I lead her outside the house to continue our conversation.
I love her truly. I feel like a big sister. I just pray for the Lord to look after her and guide her as much as possible away from the things that would only hurt her. There are big lessons to learn in life and we learn the most important ones during our painful experiences. She’s smart and I know in my heart she doesn’t have to go through something difficult to learn something important. Please send her an angel, Lord.
I had a great time talking with Ten. She and I talked about almost everything, from video games to Josh Groban to theatre to points of view about issues. It was great. We were indifferent but we kept laughing especially when we were talking about the neat video games we’ve played. I immediately felt empty as soon as she left. As soon as she left, she texted me.
‘Bye ate shai! Pnta ka ng debut ko ha! That’s an ordr! Hehe. Mis talkn 2 u already! Talaga! Soul mate talaga kta kero-cha! Ingat pauwi! Ü’
Then she sent me an FF9 ringtone. IT SOUNDS NEAT! I thanked her profusely and then we said goodnight.
As I was leaving everyone wished me good luck. I’m taking the UPCAT on Saturday.
May the Lord lead me where I can be of most service to Him.
Random Thoughts
Earlier yesterday I felt really empty. It was because I’m getting scared that if I don’t pass the UPCAT, I would let everyone down. And as I was taking my shower, I prayed the whole time, imploring the Lord Jesus to fill me up because I felt so empty. I didn’t want to cry and feel empty because every time I do, I feel as if I’m being separated from Him. I detested that feeling. I didn’t want to be separated from Him.
I solemnly told the Lord how much I trust and love Him.
Later that day, a package arrived from Aunt Linda. When Mom opened it up, it was four guidepost publications of Angels On Earth and a hardbound book entitled Angels, Miracles and Answered Prayers.
Angels, Lord.
Thanks Aunt Lyn…from the bottom of my heart.
July 29, 2002 - Monday
I’m going to take the UPCAT this Saturday. I feel all wobbly and squishy.
I’ve just realized that when I didn’t have deadlines in my life, I was happier. Like when I write my poems, novels, etc, I feel more at ease going at my own pace.
I’m able to convey my emotions in the things that I create. I hope things turn out for the best.
Later
This is crazy. I keep reviewing and reviewing and in the middle of everything I suddenly feel the urge to stop or else I feel like I would lose my mind. I keep getting distracted by so many thoughts.
They’re nice thoughts but it’s just not the time to think about them. The frustrating thing about this is I can’t seem to control my own thoughts. I’d be in the middle of memorizing complex words in English and before I know it, I’d be holding my notebook in one hand and smiling foolishly to myself.
Argh.
July 30, 2002 - Tuesday
*Sigh*
Everything is soft and effortless. Whether I will stay this way forever is up to the one who wrote my destiny. I am living today, loving to my heart’s desire.
Then she sent me an FF9 ringtone. IT SOUNDS NEAT! I thanked her profusely and then we said goodnight.
As I was leaving everyone wished me good luck. I’m taking the UPCAT on Saturday.
May the Lord lead me where I can be of most service to Him.
Random Thoughts
Earlier yesterday I felt really empty. It was because I’m getting scared that if I don’t pass the UPCAT, I would let everyone down. And as I was taking my shower, I prayed the whole time, imploring the Lord Jesus to fill me up because I felt so empty. I didn’t want to cry and feel empty because every time I do, I feel as if I’m being separated from Him. I detested that feeling. I didn’t want to be separated from Him.
I solemnly told the Lord how much I trust and love Him.
Later that day, a package arrived from Aunt Linda. When Mom opened it up, it was four guidepost publications of Angels On Earth and a hardbound book entitled Angels, Miracles and Answered Prayers.
Angels, Lord.
Thanks Aunt Lyn…from the bottom of my heart.
July 29, 2002 - Monday
I’m going to take the UPCAT this Saturday. I feel all wobbly and squishy.
I’ve just realized that when I didn’t have deadlines in my life, I was happier. Like when I write my poems, novels, etc, I feel more at ease going at my own pace.
I’m able to convey my emotions in the things that I create. I hope things turn out for the best.
Later
This is crazy. I keep reviewing and reviewing and in the middle of everything I suddenly feel the urge to stop or else I feel like I would lose my mind. I keep getting distracted by so many thoughts.
They’re nice thoughts but it’s just not the time to think about them. The frustrating thing about this is I can’t seem to control my own thoughts. I’d be in the middle of memorizing complex words in English and before I know it, I’d be holding my notebook in one hand and smiling foolishly to myself.
Argh.
July 30, 2002 - Tuesday
*Sigh*
Everything is soft and effortless. Whether I will stay this way forever is up to the one who wrote my destiny. I am living today, loving to my heart’s desire.
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