Yesterday, I spent the longest time trying to hail a cab to get to work. I must've I talked, asked and groveled to over ten cab drivers before a nice man asked me where I was going, ran into the rain and got me a cab who was going the same direction as I was.
I was thirty minutes late. The entire time the rain was sloshing down the windows I was transported again to a time and place shortly after going back to college. I was at Opus Dei, staring at the magnificence of the design of the altar. I had classes that day, that much I know. Basketball in the morning, then Asian Studies, the Arts, Environmental Science and a few more things I don't recall anymore. But back then, my grief was too great that it swallowed everything else I needed to accomplish. I hailed a cab then, going back to the Loyola Chapel, announced I needed time to recuperate, then broke down in front of Mama's casket. The following semester, I had transferred to the university at Dasma, Cavite.
Back in the present, time has a remarkable way of standing still when there are things needed to be done in a particular timeframe. Sometimes I think it's God telling me something. It's his way of telling me I've been speeding down the wrong road.
More from my journal.
July 27, 2000 - Thursday
I’ve been spending the past few days with my Dad. He suddenly came home a few days back after being absent for some time. He even bought me a cell phone during our REACT July 23.
September 3, 2000 - Sunday
I’m in my room, reading Jackie Chan. Jackie Chan’s life reads like a movie script. It’s fun to read. I felt the same way he did about school. But for Mom’s sake, I’m staying in school. His life is very inspirational.
I’m in my room, reading Jackie Chan. Jackie Chan’s life reads like a movie script. It’s fun to read. I felt the same way he did about school. But for Mom’s sake, I’m staying in school. His life is very inspirational.
Random Thoughts
The path that I follow is my choice. Penniless as I am without a peso to my name, my legendary life is already beginning.
The path that I follow is my choice. Penniless as I am without a peso to my name, my legendary life is already beginning.
September 6, 2000 - Wednesday
I’m okay but my head hurts. For the past few days I’ve been doing headstands and stunts. Anyway, I woke up around 4:00 AM and went to school around 9:30 AM. We had our class picture taken today. Chris' polo was too big and Ann was rolling on the ground like a log. It was fun!
I’m okay but my head hurts. For the past few days I’ve been doing headstands and stunts. Anyway, I woke up around 4:00 AM and went to school around 9:30 AM. We had our class picture taken today. Chris' polo was too big and Ann was rolling on the ground like a log. It was fun!
September 7, 2000 - Thursday
Today was okay. We had an during Homeroom wherein we would write something about each of our classmates. I was expecting many people would write something bad about me since there have been vile rumors roaming around for the past two years. But the things they wrote about me actually made my heart swell with gratitude. Chris was sitting beside me. He’s been nice to me for the past few days. Since the start of classes, I’ve been feeling uncomfortable because I didn’t know if I could fit in with the rest of the class so I guess in a way I just maintained being good friends with him since he’s the only person I have good rapport with. I guess it helped that we used to be classmates and good friends when we were in second year. My grades are okay. They're going on an all-time average.
Today was okay. We had an during Homeroom wherein we would write something about each of our classmates. I was expecting many people would write something bad about me since there have been vile rumors roaming around for the past two years. But the things they wrote about me actually made my heart swell with gratitude. Chris was sitting beside me. He’s been nice to me for the past few days. Since the start of classes, I’ve been feeling uncomfortable because I didn’t know if I could fit in with the rest of the class so I guess in a way I just maintained being good friends with him since he’s the only person I have good rapport with. I guess it helped that we used to be classmates and good friends when we were in second year. My grades are okay. They're going on an all-time average.
September 14, 2000 - Thursday
I went home early today. During class, my cousin informed me that within two-three days, we might lose the house we’re renting because we haven’t been able to pay rent for months. Or years. I’m not sure. I don’t know what I can do to help. I don’t know where my heart is. But I know we’ll get through this. The Lord is testing my faith. I will not fail him. I know, with Him, I’m fighting a winning battle. He will always be my strength.
I went home early today. During class, my cousin informed me that within two-three days, we might lose the house we’re renting because we haven’t been able to pay rent for months. Or years. I’m not sure. I don’t know what I can do to help. I don’t know where my heart is. But I know we’ll get through this. The Lord is testing my faith. I will not fail him. I know, with Him, I’m fighting a winning battle. He will always be my strength.
September 16, 2000 - Saturday
I’ve been reading Harry Potter lately. I’m completely blown away. I’ve just finished reading Book 3. I really like Sirius Black and Remus Lupin. And Quidditch, of course! But reality bites...we still haven’t paid our rent. We’re going to be evicted from the house sooner or later. Yet my heart feels so much lighter than the past few years.
I’ve been reading Harry Potter lately. I’m completely blown away. I’ve just finished reading Book 3. I really like Sirius Black and Remus Lupin. And Quidditch, of course! But reality bites...we still haven’t paid our rent. We’re going to be evicted from the house sooner or later. Yet my heart feels so much lighter than the past few years.
September 17, 2000 - Sunday
I read my journal yesterday and felt like I was in a roller coaster ride. There are times when I wake up feeling so downhearted that I feel compelled to stay in bed and there are times when I wake up and feel completely rejuvenated and enthusiastic about the rest of the day. I just want to live in the present. I'll worry about tomorrow when it comes. There’s just today…this moment. Today, I live. Pursuing my dreams. Living to the desire of my soul.
I read my journal yesterday and felt like I was in a roller coaster ride. There are times when I wake up feeling so downhearted that I feel compelled to stay in bed and there are times when I wake up and feel completely rejuvenated and enthusiastic about the rest of the day. I just want to live in the present. I'll worry about tomorrow when it comes. There’s just today…this moment. Today, I live. Pursuing my dreams. Living to the desire of my soul.
September 23, 2000 - Saturday
We went to the GSIS museum yesterday. During the trip, Reese and I sang a song from Miss Saigon. I’m not sure but I think Chris brought the player and Reese brought the tape. During the song, Reese and I were completely oblivious to the fact that our classmates, and it's safe to say they're the most intimidating audience ever, had been paying attention to us. Well, you know how friends are. They applauded afterwards, admiring her performance and forgiving mine.
We went to the GSIS museum yesterday. During the trip, Reese and I sang a song from Miss Saigon. I’m not sure but I think Chris brought the player and Reese brought the tape. During the song, Reese and I were completely oblivious to the fact that our classmates, and it's safe to say they're the most intimidating audience ever, had been paying attention to us. Well, you know how friends are. They applauded afterwards, admiring her performance and forgiving mine.
Chris has a nice voice. We went to Malacañan Palace. I was already in line when the guide said we had to have partners before we could enter so I grabbed the nearest available person to me. It was a few moments later when I realized I’ve grabbed Chris. During our break, we stayed and ate on the bus with a couple of friends while the rest ate at nearby canteens. He said he wanted to buy mineral water. I nodded and told him to go buy at the store beside the parked bus. He grimaced then smiled, asking me to accompany him. I shook my head in disbelief but I said okay. When he was about to step off the bus with his foot inches from the ground, I shoved him with all my might. He flew outside, skidding to a stop. I think he was about to rave at me for pushing him when I pointed on the ground, telling him that if he only looked where he was going, he would’ve noticed that pile of dung on the ground and he would’ve spared me the energy of shoving him. He grinned, seeing the dung there and thanked me. I simply shook my head as if to say It was nothing and accompanied him as he bought two huge bottles of mineral water. Then the class went to the AFP Theatre and watched the most peculiar version of El Filibusterismo. The play started with five men in black suits and dark shades standing abreast one another in total stillness when suddenly the theme from Mission Impossible blasted from the speakers and they began dancing. It was the weirdest play I've ever seen.
I’m beginning to get the hang of the Embryology class. Especially when we went through a tunnel and everyone started yelling and screaming (hehe…Ben…) It was a great day…
September 25, 2000 - Monday
We, some of the Embryo, went to a classmate's place to practice for our play in an upcoming theater competition regarding the life of our school's patron saint but we weren’t able to carry out our plans because only a small number of people arrived. Nevertheless, we enjoyed being there because we bonded and everyone felt very comfortable with one another.
We, some of the Embryo, went to a classmate's place to practice for our play in an upcoming theater competition regarding the life of our school's patron saint but we weren’t able to carry out our plans because only a small number of people arrived. Nevertheless, we enjoyed being there because we bonded and everyone felt very comfortable with one another.
September 26, 2000 - Tuesday
I wrote a letter, telling my friend that he’s been unaware of the fact that he’s been cheering me up for the past few weeks. It’s because there are times when I’m reminded of my problems. It’s like I’m living a dream and suddenly someone pinches me and I wake up.
I wrote a letter, telling my friend that he’s been unaware of the fact that he’s been cheering me up for the past few weeks. It’s because there are times when I’m reminded of my problems. It’s like I’m living a dream and suddenly someone pinches me and I wake up.
My best friend and I are over because for the first time I’ve realized that when you really do love somebody, you have to set him free. Especially when your intuition tells you there’s already somebody else in his life that makes him happier and that being with you only brings him misery. We’re more than friends, but a greater part of me loves him as a best friend. And that friend can’t bear feeling his unhappiness with the wrong person. So I let go. In the failure of our relationship, I can honestly say that most of the fault was mine. I know how to be a good friend. But I’m not good at being more than that.
As long as I know he’s happy, I’m satisfied. We were too young. Maybe time will come somebody will come along. But until that time comes, I’m thankful for what I have now.
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