Right now, I'm waiting for 6:15 to arrive. I'll be taking Enzo's temperature again and following the Doc's orders. 37.8C and above, Tempra. 38.5C and above, Dolan. It's been hours since I've taken a nap. Somehow this feels like being in the Hunger Games and I've been assigned to keep watch for the first shift.
Anyway, I've been immersed in thoughts, as usual. Old and new. Old ones the harbinger of familiar feeling without the pain. New ones the messenger of being needed and wanted without restraint.
You know what happens when I can't put two and two together. I take a trip down memory lane…
October 3, 2000 – Tuesday
We practiced at a classmate's house. I was supposed to play the role of Tuberculosis but they suggested that I play as one of the Angels instead. I was going to insist for the role because I liked it but Chris forced me (He nearly yanked my arm out of its socket. Literally)
I really wanted to be Tuberculosis because it seemed like a challenging role but I also wanted the best for our play since it's our entry for the competition. My friends and I, the ones who were designated the role of Angels started our portion of the practice by listening to the songs and then trying to fit the lyrics another classmate and I wrote. Anyway, something funny happened.
Earlier this day, the class was in the corridor, forming a line because we were going to proceed to the computer lab when he stepped in front of me. He was eating the oatmeal cookie we helped make last night. Those cookies are really the yummiest cookies ever so I was eager to get one. So I sort of made a desperate effort to grab for the cookie that was in his hand, exclaiming, “Uy, pakurot!”
But before I could reach it, he took it farther away from me and said with a serious look. “Ayoko. Gusto ko ako magsusubo.” I was stunned, well, simply because I wasn’t expecting it.
But that’s not all. The practice was scheduled today at a classmate's house and he was sitting on the couch and I was about to sit on the armrest of the same couch because all seats were occupied. There’s the floor only there were also earthworms crawling the length of it.
I was asking him if I could sit on the armrest when grinning, he said, “Sa lap ko. Kandong kita.”
I grinned and did, thinking he would give up because I was heavy. We both laughed because he did give up. He said I weighed too much while he only weighed one hundred fifteen pounds. Yeah, right.
Another thing happened during the actual practice. He's the kind of person who’s very professional when there’s a need to take things seriously. He’s a strict perfectionist when handling productions. I used to have that kind of attitude but I learned my lesson. I learned that directing would be a lot easier if you maintained a good rapport with everyone involved in the production. The cast, the crew, etc.
I was trying to help the Angels according to their respective positions during the start of the play while the actors practiced their lines and blocking. We were included in the scene but since the other Angels weren’t around, we were having a difficult time fixing our blocking. I caught a glimpse of him from the corner of my eye and saw that he was about to scold me so in a way, I was prepared for a fiery confrontation.
He said very loudly, “Ang mga tauhan, naguusap-usap ba pag nasa stage?”
Though prepared, I felt my cheeks grow hot. I answered, equally loud, “Inaayos ko lang dahil maraming kulang no!”
I took my eyes off him and continued pointing here and there to where a particular Angel should be when I noticed, again, from the corner of my eye that he was pointing at me. So I looked at him. He was grinning.
I grinned and said, “Nakaisa ka na ha.”
He replied, “Nakaisa ka na rin ha.”
After the rehearsal everyone sat down in the dim garage and started sharing ghost stories. He was sitting beside me on the bench and he kept rubbing his eyes so I asked him what was wrong. He said his eyes were hurting. I told him to rest so he lied down behind me. Every now and then, I kept turning and asking him if he was feeling better.
During the fifth time, he answered with a contagious smile, “Oo, ok lang ako. Masakit lang ang mata ko.”
I feel…strange…
October 4, 2000 – Wednesday
There really is a glow in me. Even my classmates have noticed. A few days ago during lunch break, I pulled him to one side and asked whom he was taking to the Graduation Ball.
He gave me this…smile…and without hesitation answered, “Ikaw. Papatayin ko si (Name of my Ex) kapag dinala ka niya.”
…I was stunned. And as if triggered by the event, the thought ‘all jokes are half-meant’ began swimming in my head. The thing is, he didn’t take it back or even affirm that it was just a joke.
Today, we rehearsed for the play again. While waiting for our other classmates to arrive, we decided to make the most of time by doing our Physics assignment. I was being very quiet while everyone chatted when suddenly I became the topic. And take note, my being ‘handsome’ (which is either the weirdest compliment I’ve ever received or the most flattering insult).
Suddenly, they started talking about him. A classmate started to tease me, saying we were compatible. What she said had an effect on all our other classmates because they began teasing me as if infected by some giggle-causing virus. After three minutes of being on the hot seat, I was saved by the doorbell as it rang and everyone fell silent, anticipating which classmate it might be.
My mind was racing, hoping it’s not Chris because his timely appearance would add to the impish delight of my friends. Jesse Famous ran to get the door. I was sitting with my back to it and was looking at my classmates when suddenly they began giving me knowing stares before they transformed into a giant giggling blob.
The smell of Hugo Boss just started wafting through the air. I remember using it before, in second year high, I think. Everyone kept teasing and since he just arrived and didn't have any idea what it was all about, he started flashing everyone a ridiculous smile.
I’m not sure how to define what I’m feeling. I’ve felt it before, on different situations. But both times, I ended up getting humiliated and profoundly hurt. I must be a fool to know what I’m getting into and still having the guts to get through it. Something happened again. I was sitting on Jesse Famous' green chair when he walked in and stood right in front of me (seem familiar?)
He smiled and said, “Kandong mo ako.”
I looked at him and thought What the heck, okay. And he did. Geez. After five seconds of struggling not to break the chair in two, he merrily stood up and grinned.
"Ambigat ko no?"
Another incident. He said he wanted to eat.
“Kain tayo?” he said, inviting me to eat with him. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to because I wasn’t really hungry. Before I could reply, he said again.
“Dali na. Wala akong kasabay eh."
I shrugged and followed him to the dining table, only to find three/four other classmates sitting there and eating.
*Someone up there is playing tricks on me*
I reached for a chicken nugget on the table and started nibbling it when Smart Cid entered the room and went up to him. She seemed to be asking him something. I don’t know what got into me. All I know is that at that moment, I stood beside him and dangled the half-eaten nugget in his face. What I expected him to do is politely refuse or grab the nugget out of my hand and finish it up. But what he did is he backed up a bit to get a better look at the thing (flurry image of brown square). And while still talking to her, ate it. From my hand (hmm…like the cookie episode).
I returned to the dining table and took another nugget. I nibbled it and then dangled it in front of him again, this time just merely curious if he would do the same thing. This time, without taking his eyes off Smart Cid. who was beginning to smile oddly at us, he turned his head towards me and ate the nugget the same way. I was in a daze for a long time afterwards.
During the practice, there was a time when he was about to leave when I called after him.
“Uuwi ka na?”
“Pupunta akong Sugs,”
“Uy, Sugs!” I exclaimed. The cookies and cream brew was my favorite. I was about to ask him to buy me one when I remembered he said he was going straight home after buying. I was still thinking of how to buy the drink when he suddenly said, with the familiar grin.
“Sama ka na. Lalakarin lang naman natin yon tapos from there, pwede ka nang mag-commute.”
At his invitation, everyone seemed to want to go home already. After fixing up our mess at Jesse Famous' house, we got in Smart Cid's Dad’s car along with some of our classmates. When the car rounded the corner, he nudged me from behind and said, “Pakisabi dito na lang ako.”
He had trouble fitting through the chair so I teased, “Mataba ka pa rin.”
When he was finally able to get through, he answered back triumphantly, “Sabi ko sa yo, mapayat na ako eh!"
At least out loud…I won’t say I’m in… :)
Anyway, I've been immersed in thoughts, as usual. Old and new. Old ones the harbinger of familiar feeling without the pain. New ones the messenger of being needed and wanted without restraint.
You know what happens when I can't put two and two together. I take a trip down memory lane…
October 3, 2000 – Tuesday
We practiced at a classmate's house. I was supposed to play the role of Tuberculosis but they suggested that I play as one of the Angels instead. I was going to insist for the role because I liked it but Chris forced me (He nearly yanked my arm out of its socket. Literally)
I really wanted to be Tuberculosis because it seemed like a challenging role but I also wanted the best for our play since it's our entry for the competition. My friends and I, the ones who were designated the role of Angels started our portion of the practice by listening to the songs and then trying to fit the lyrics another classmate and I wrote. Anyway, something funny happened.
Earlier this day, the class was in the corridor, forming a line because we were going to proceed to the computer lab when he stepped in front of me. He was eating the oatmeal cookie we helped make last night. Those cookies are really the yummiest cookies ever so I was eager to get one. So I sort of made a desperate effort to grab for the cookie that was in his hand, exclaiming, “Uy, pakurot!”
But before I could reach it, he took it farther away from me and said with a serious look. “Ayoko. Gusto ko ako magsusubo.” I was stunned, well, simply because I wasn’t expecting it.
But that’s not all. The practice was scheduled today at a classmate's house and he was sitting on the couch and I was about to sit on the armrest of the same couch because all seats were occupied. There’s the floor only there were also earthworms crawling the length of it.
I was asking him if I could sit on the armrest when grinning, he said, “Sa lap ko. Kandong kita.”
I grinned and did, thinking he would give up because I was heavy. We both laughed because he did give up. He said I weighed too much while he only weighed one hundred fifteen pounds. Yeah, right.
Another thing happened during the actual practice. He's the kind of person who’s very professional when there’s a need to take things seriously. He’s a strict perfectionist when handling productions. I used to have that kind of attitude but I learned my lesson. I learned that directing would be a lot easier if you maintained a good rapport with everyone involved in the production. The cast, the crew, etc.
I was trying to help the Angels according to their respective positions during the start of the play while the actors practiced their lines and blocking. We were included in the scene but since the other Angels weren’t around, we were having a difficult time fixing our blocking. I caught a glimpse of him from the corner of my eye and saw that he was about to scold me so in a way, I was prepared for a fiery confrontation.
He said very loudly, “Ang mga tauhan, naguusap-usap ba pag nasa stage?”
Though prepared, I felt my cheeks grow hot. I answered, equally loud, “Inaayos ko lang dahil maraming kulang no!”
I took my eyes off him and continued pointing here and there to where a particular Angel should be when I noticed, again, from the corner of my eye that he was pointing at me. So I looked at him. He was grinning.
I grinned and said, “Nakaisa ka na ha.”
He replied, “Nakaisa ka na rin ha.”
After the rehearsal everyone sat down in the dim garage and started sharing ghost stories. He was sitting beside me on the bench and he kept rubbing his eyes so I asked him what was wrong. He said his eyes were hurting. I told him to rest so he lied down behind me. Every now and then, I kept turning and asking him if he was feeling better.
During the fifth time, he answered with a contagious smile, “Oo, ok lang ako. Masakit lang ang mata ko.”
I feel…strange…
October 4, 2000 – Wednesday
There really is a glow in me. Even my classmates have noticed. A few days ago during lunch break, I pulled him to one side and asked whom he was taking to the Graduation Ball.
He gave me this…smile…and without hesitation answered, “Ikaw. Papatayin ko si (Name of my Ex) kapag dinala ka niya.”
…I was stunned. And as if triggered by the event, the thought ‘all jokes are half-meant’ began swimming in my head. The thing is, he didn’t take it back or even affirm that it was just a joke.
Today, we rehearsed for the play again. While waiting for our other classmates to arrive, we decided to make the most of time by doing our Physics assignment. I was being very quiet while everyone chatted when suddenly I became the topic. And take note, my being ‘handsome’ (which is either the weirdest compliment I’ve ever received or the most flattering insult).
Suddenly, they started talking about him. A classmate started to tease me, saying we were compatible. What she said had an effect on all our other classmates because they began teasing me as if infected by some giggle-causing virus. After three minutes of being on the hot seat, I was saved by the doorbell as it rang and everyone fell silent, anticipating which classmate it might be.
My mind was racing, hoping it’s not Chris because his timely appearance would add to the impish delight of my friends. Jesse Famous ran to get the door. I was sitting with my back to it and was looking at my classmates when suddenly they began giving me knowing stares before they transformed into a giant giggling blob.
The smell of Hugo Boss just started wafting through the air. I remember using it before, in second year high, I think. Everyone kept teasing and since he just arrived and didn't have any idea what it was all about, he started flashing everyone a ridiculous smile.
I’m not sure how to define what I’m feeling. I’ve felt it before, on different situations. But both times, I ended up getting humiliated and profoundly hurt. I must be a fool to know what I’m getting into and still having the guts to get through it. Something happened again. I was sitting on Jesse Famous' green chair when he walked in and stood right in front of me (seem familiar?)
He smiled and said, “Kandong mo ako.”
I looked at him and thought What the heck, okay. And he did. Geez. After five seconds of struggling not to break the chair in two, he merrily stood up and grinned.
"Ambigat ko no?"
Another incident. He said he wanted to eat.
“Kain tayo?” he said, inviting me to eat with him. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to because I wasn’t really hungry. Before I could reply, he said again.
“Dali na. Wala akong kasabay eh."
I shrugged and followed him to the dining table, only to find three/four other classmates sitting there and eating.
*Someone up there is playing tricks on me*
I reached for a chicken nugget on the table and started nibbling it when Smart Cid entered the room and went up to him. She seemed to be asking him something. I don’t know what got into me. All I know is that at that moment, I stood beside him and dangled the half-eaten nugget in his face. What I expected him to do is politely refuse or grab the nugget out of my hand and finish it up. But what he did is he backed up a bit to get a better look at the thing (flurry image of brown square). And while still talking to her, ate it. From my hand (hmm…like the cookie episode).
I returned to the dining table and took another nugget. I nibbled it and then dangled it in front of him again, this time just merely curious if he would do the same thing. This time, without taking his eyes off Smart Cid. who was beginning to smile oddly at us, he turned his head towards me and ate the nugget the same way. I was in a daze for a long time afterwards.
During the practice, there was a time when he was about to leave when I called after him.
“Uuwi ka na?”
“Pupunta akong Sugs,”
“Uy, Sugs!” I exclaimed. The cookies and cream brew was my favorite. I was about to ask him to buy me one when I remembered he said he was going straight home after buying. I was still thinking of how to buy the drink when he suddenly said, with the familiar grin.
“Sama ka na. Lalakarin lang naman natin yon tapos from there, pwede ka nang mag-commute.”
At his invitation, everyone seemed to want to go home already. After fixing up our mess at Jesse Famous' house, we got in Smart Cid's Dad’s car along with some of our classmates. When the car rounded the corner, he nudged me from behind and said, “Pakisabi dito na lang ako.”
He had trouble fitting through the chair so I teased, “Mataba ka pa rin.”
When he was finally able to get through, he answered back triumphantly, “Sabi ko sa yo, mapayat na ako eh!"
At least out loud…I won’t say I’m in… :)
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