Second Part of the Day

Amazing what the staved mind can produce. I'm writing in this blog at the same time preparing to launch the other one.

Now that I think about it, things have been in a cycle.
Always this time of year.
Always this many entries.
Always the misery and loneliness acting as a catalyst to the fuel behind the pen.
Always the series of rain, the restless dawns, the muted dusks.


Then this.


The pain unmasked reveals itself in words only the broken or those once broken can comprehend.


A friend said I always open up but reveal nothing. It's a very good observation. The same can be said for my poetry. At times, even my prose.

My own rhythm strikes the flow. I used to casually shrug the forms taught in school. When you're born with the passion to write, it stays volatile regardless of how many forms you've been introduced to. It can adapt for a while to survive the trend, but sooner or later, it will grow restless, eager to take its flight. Thinking it must fly away or die. Am I referring to my writing style or to myself? Both.


The fever coupled with these dark clouds make the weather even more ominous. The sound of my son's voice occasionally brings me back. After having read Brida, I sought to harness my thoughts, my focus, my reality. Sometimes, the Phoenix is too strong to train. It must be let free every now and then. Otherwise it would burn from inside out. That would be of no great importance if only it wasn't in me. I'm not ready to burn from within.


Blood, alive as red nail polish, pumped by a dying heart. A friend once said he was disappointed I was no longer "emo". What is emo, anyway? A passing fad? A kind of music? Atypical fashion for the youth?


The suffering passes by, evolves, returns but there are moments of happiness during the breaks. Simple things that are worth doing, great distances worth crossing. The cross I bear is mine alone. Pain strikes and it's not prevented, deflected, avoided. Welcome pain. Only right to pay up.

God is more forgiving with me than I am with myself.

Leaving now to prepare for Lola's 40 Days. I'll be back in the evening to rave some more.