Another boring weekend. And what could be worse than a boring weekend than to know that your dough wouldn't be coming in until Tuesday. I can't get enough of my kid asking for grapes, bread, stars (cereal) and just staring dumbly back at him.
Oh well. We're more fortunate than most so I'm still grateful to God for what He provides. Trip down memory lane in the meantime.
I'm really feeling crazy because I made jokes with her mom. I thought she'd get angry with me but she just laughed at my jokes. There was something peculiar about the finished product. It was eerie and mysterious but it looked appropriate for the scene it would be used for. We needed to hang it so that it would dry faster but the place for hanging it was a little too high. I tried to hang a corner of the backdrop and barely managed because I was inches shorter. I was wobbling, when I felt someone suddenly stand behind me and hold the parts I couldn't reach. I glanced behind me and soon realized who it was. I glanced back quickly to the backdrop, trying to fix it. Something different is starting in me as well. A familiar pain that I know I will never completely heal from again.
October 18, 2000 - Wednesday
Today is a sad day. I finally broke down. After a long time of hiding inside, I finally cried. About fears that have made me feel so insignificant. About dreams that have wasted away. About questions that have remained unanswered. I lost all control and sobbed out all the heartaches I've been trying to ignore. Just when I felt ready to let go, I noticed my phone a few feet away from me. A single image flashed through my mind. The next thing I knew, I was dialing up someone's number. I felt stupid for having called without anything to say. We talked about Miss Saigon for a little while and then...I just began to feel better. It was as if from that single moment of talking with him, he reached out to what was broken in me and made me realize that life can have a new meaning. Life can be where I can choose to be free...to feel good as much as I want...to live as much as I want...to love as much as I want...
Oh well. We're more fortunate than most so I'm still grateful to God for what He provides. Trip down memory lane in the meantime.
October 7, 2000 - Saturday
My friend's house was breathtaking. I've succeeded in ignoring how I feel today. Ben and I bonded, it was nice. I never thought we could get along well but we did. Things weren't going too well so when it was time to leave, I decided to make myself more useful by helping make the backdrop at a friend's house. I'm really feeling crazy because I made jokes with her mom. I thought she'd get angry with me but she just laughed at my jokes. There was something peculiar about the finished product. It was eerie and mysterious but it looked appropriate for the scene it would be used for. We needed to hang it so that it would dry faster but the place for hanging it was a little too high. I tried to hang a corner of the backdrop and barely managed because I was inches shorter. I was wobbling, when I felt someone suddenly stand behind me and hold the parts I couldn't reach. I glanced behind me and soon realized who it was. I glanced back quickly to the backdrop, trying to fix it. Something different is starting in me as well. A familiar pain that I know I will never completely heal from again.
October 8, 2000 - Sunday
I'm missing someone's singing voice. Nothing else enchants me. Life becomes a long and dusty highway...the kind that I don't want to travel alone. October 10, 2000 - Tuesday
It's October's birthday! She's really one of a kind and I have lots of fun being with her. Choco and I have become really good friends. Everyone teased her and Pokemon. Hahaha. I don't know where I'd be without Choco. I've been strong all this time because she's been beside me, speaking words of encouragement. I'm truly blessed that we've become friends.October 18, 2000 - Wednesday
Today is a sad day. I finally broke down. After a long time of hiding inside, I finally cried. About fears that have made me feel so insignificant. About dreams that have wasted away. About questions that have remained unanswered. I lost all control and sobbed out all the heartaches I've been trying to ignore. Just when I felt ready to let go, I noticed my phone a few feet away from me. A single image flashed through my mind. The next thing I knew, I was dialing up someone's number. I felt stupid for having called without anything to say. We talked about Miss Saigon for a little while and then...I just began to feel better. It was as if from that single moment of talking with him, he reached out to what was broken in me and made me realize that life can have a new meaning. Life can be where I can choose to be free...to feel good as much as I want...to live as much as I want...to love as much as I want...
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